Well, where do I start? Why did I want to do it?
Firstly, I wanted to accomplish something unique and individual to me. Secondly, I didn’t need just any old challenge — I needed a challenge that drives me. And then the penny dropped — I decided to put it into a book.
It all goes back to before Covid, when I was in a day job I really didn’t enjoy and was also working as a part-time personal trainer and spin instructor. I loved doing the spin classes as I realised how good I was when I had my own structure together with my creativity. However, things were really pi$$ing me off in regards to the fitness industry. The fitness world was obsessed with female glutes like the Kardashians and JLo, and I genuinely was impressed with Kim Kardashian’s dedication and what she had achieved. But I kept thinking, do guys’ peaches not have potential? Why is this seen as a female trend? Why are men’s bums seen as comical in films and not sexy?
That frustration planted a seed and gave me Booty inspiration! It wasn’t so much about changing narratives, but I thought, “maybe I’m the one to do it?” I did have some doubts about how I could feel like the male in charge of the Booty world, as constant use of social media was affecting my wellbeing (and still does — that’s why I limit it). In order to build a strong following would require constant posting on Instagram at the right time of day using the most trending hashtags, and it just wasn’t for me — the wrong sort of challenge. The sort of challenge that would make me feel like “I’m not fit to be the Booty guy” rather than “I am THE guy to do it.”
One evening I remember thinking about bucket lists, and on that list was for me to publish a book. That evening is when the penny dropped. I realised an opportunity to achieve something on the list whilst accomplishing something unique and individual to me, so I could feel like “the male” of the Booty world!
Once I had the idea, I was off. Except I had no laptop — the only thing I had was a pen and paper. Every time I needed to update the structure of the book, or add a new section, I had to rewrite the whole thing by hand every single time. Not only was I stuck for equipment, but time as well.
Eventually, I was given an old tablet, which was something, but if you’ve ever tried to do serious writing on a temperamental old gadget, you’ll know it’s its own kind of torture. For someone with ADHD (undiagnosed then), hyperfocusing on a frustrating device just to get words on a page is genuinely exhausting in a way that’s hard to explain. I was burning out. I had a full-time job, a part-time fitness business, and this book was eating up what little recreational time I had left.
There were absolutely moments where I questioned whether this was worth it. But this is me — I LOVE to deliver on what I say I am going to do. Not to prove myself to other people, but to prove it to myself. I found something that would give me the identity I wanted, and what really gave me extra motivation were the people who ridiculed me.
“You think you’re gonna be the next Kardashian” OR “You keep saying you’re going to do it and you haven’t.” Do people know how long it takes to self-publish a book? I certainly didn’t — until I finally got it published 😂
And that pretty much sums up why I’m sharing this on NeuroQueerz — other than the fact I love boasting about it as it’s my proudest accomplishment!
Being neurodivergent or having a disability, or the feeling like you don’t fit in, does NOT mean you are unlikely to achieve success! And it’s not about how big this goal is financially — it’s about achieving something true to your authentic self. You don’t need to change YOU, but it can mean that there’s a lot more outside-the-box thinking than expected. But then, as a neuro-queerky person, outside-the-box thinking is what we’re known for, right?
Anyway, that’s Part 1 of the Booty Book Blog! Hope you enjoyed it. Join in for Part 2 about what happened when Covid hit and the things I should and shouldn’t have done lol 🤪.
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